


The Adventures of De-panting Wilson

by Lorib12



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Season 6 episode 7, Swearing, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9169423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorib12/pseuds/Lorib12
Summary: Pretty much what the title implies





	1. House's musings

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FF.net in November 2009. Slowly moving works over as I try to get my muse working again!  
> Total crackfic!

A/N: Don't know what possessed me to do this other than Wilson's naked legs. I'll say it's probably on the crackish side of things but hey, you never know when it comes to what House is thinking. I, for one, am going to believe he thought about this while removing Wilson's pants. Hope you enjoy and please let me know if you liked it. Thanks

Fic Rating: T  
Fic warning: Implied slash, spoiler for season 6 ep 7  
Word count: 1000 word 2 part  
Also, when not in quotes, those are House's thoughts. I'm sure you all would figure that out but thought I put it here just in case someone is confused. Thanks again!

 

The Adventures of De-panting Wilson

"You don't deserve her."

Damn it he's gonna hit his head…gottcha.

"Words, can hurt ya know."

"-"

"Wilson?"

"-"

Okay, now that I've got you drugged off your ass, what am I going to do with you? God, shouldn't have said that, now I've got all these hot and crazy thoughts going through my mind…Fuck Wilson, you're heavy. Mental note ; remind you to start jogging more. The things I do to protect you from your own idiocy…dragging your drugged sorry ass across the room to the bed. Oh, and while I'm at it. You know I'm only going after Cuddy because I want sex and you won't stop pushing the damn subject. The shit I do sometimes just to make you happy. 

Okay, here we are; the bed. Oops, sorry. Didn't mean to drop you that hard. It's a good thing you're drugged, huh. Now what? How to keep you in the room after I leave to make your speech….Again, the shit I do to protect your sorry, albeit, pretty ass from your own idiocy. I got it! I'll take all of your pants with me. If it were me, I'd show up to make a speech in my boxers, but don't think you will. You're too concerned about what people think of you. Speaking of which, back to Cuddy…damn, how many pairs of pants did you bring? Shit, now I'm going to have to find someplace to stash your suitcase while I do your speech. 

Oh yeah, Cuddy. I'm tired of the game, I'm going to her room later to tell her that and then I want you to leave me the hell alone about it. You know, for a guy who prides himself in being so open and helpful, you certainly don't help me when it comes to us finally fucking. Okay, all the pants are packed except for the pair you have on. Trust me; I'm really going to enjoy this. You know, we always screw around about screwing around, I'm not quite sure why we haven't you know…screwed around. Why is your belt so hard to get undone? Anyway, why haven't we? Oh that's right, because you'll claim to be 100% heterosexual, which we both know is bullshit. Well, I rest my case on the heterosexual count; pink boxers with purple stripes…Really? You are such a girl. One more leg…..

"Emmm…House….?"

Shit shit shit

"You awake Wilson?"

"Noooo, wudya doin?"

"You're dreaming, go back to sleep."

"You're so silly Housey…come back to bed, I'mmmm cooollllddd."

"…Wilson…?"

"Commmonnn, I wanna fuck, pleeeasseee?…..wait..why am I sooo tirrredd."

"Wilson?"

"-"

"Huh. Well, that's all the proof I need. Adios Cuddy, I'm fuckin' Wilson tonight!"

TBC


	2. Wilson panics

"Ugh..My head; what the hell? Oh yeah….House!"

"-"

"Show your face you little weasel!"

"-"

"The jerk left me here…how did I get on the bed...wait, where the hell are my pants?"

Ahh, I really shouldn't have tried getting up so fast. My head is killing me. What the hell did he drug me with? Why the hell would he take my pants? Oh shit, my speech; I gotta get down there. Shit shit shit, where are the rest of my pants? He did not take the rest of my pants…. The son of a bitch did. I'm gonna kill him! Answer the phone, answer the ph…

"Housey speaking."

What the hell did he just say?

"House…at this moment, I would like nothing more than to kill you. But because you are my friend and are completely insane, I will turn the other cheek. Now…I…need…pants."

"Which cheek are you turning? The rosy one on your face or one that's nestled in those pink boxers of yours?"

Ah fuck!

"House, your purpose is served; I can't make it in time to do my damn speech so get your ass back here now!"

"Geesh, chill out Wilson; silly Housey is on his way."

"W-what…House? House….? Damn it, he hung up."

Why did he call himself silly Housey. I swear to God, I really think he's losing it again. Silly Hous…ah shit; I didn't…I didn't. Fuck, I did. What else did I say? Think Wilson think, he's going to be back any minute. Silly Housey, Silly Housey….come back to bed…ah fuck fuck fuck! I'll just play it off as a joke. That's it, just a joke. He doesn't need to know that I may have meant it. Who the hell am I kidding; of course I meant it….but he doesn't need to know that. Oh God, did I say anything else? Damn him for drugging me, but it really was a sweet gesture in a horribly psychotic sort of way…stop that! Stop thinking things he does are sweet! Ok, get your head out of the House clouds and concentrate…did I say anything else? I'm cold…I remember saying I'm cold. Well that's understandable without pants on. I wanna fuck….ahhhh fuuucckk!

"Hi honey, I'm home and I come bearing pants."

"-"

"Wow Wilson, you look like you've seen a ghost."

Maybe he won't remember, maybe he didn't hear me. Be cool, be cool.

"Ah…ah…"

Real cool Wilson.

"Hmm, that's interesting. That a new side effect of the drug that I'm unaware of or are you speechless?"

"-"

"Speechless it is…Hey, I went to Cuddy's room before I came here. Did you know she was seeing Lucas? I have to say it was quite a relief. I was ready to tell her that I was done with our little game and just wanted to be friends. Now I don't have to worry about it cause she's already getting some from elsewhere. Cool huh?"

"I…I thought you wanted her?"

"I wanted sex, she just seemed convenient and it didn't hurt that she's hot. Besides I can have sex all I want now and be with the person I want to be with at the same time. Isn't that so much better? Much healthier I think. You gonna put your pants on or what?"

"What the hell are you talking about…who the hell are you talking about?"

What the hell is he talking about…and why isn't he reacting to me saying I wanted to fuck him? Did I actually say it? God, my head hurts…he is so damn cute just standing there though isn't he? Shut the fuck up Wilson!

"Oh come on Wilson, don't play hard to get now. You know you want me. I'm silly Housey…remember what you said? Here, I'll remind you…."You're so silly Housey…come back to bed, I'mmmm cooollllddd. Commmonnn, I wanna fuck, pleeeasseee?"

Oh God…please world swallow me up now…please.

"I was drugged, you were molesting me what do you expect."

"I expect to get some serious action tonight from my new boyfriend."

Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God…

"Okay, but I'm on top."

END

A/n: Thanks so much for reading and I hoped you enjoyed it :)


End file.
